Funny Ways To Get Rid of Blind Dates

1. At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you'll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it.

2. Wipe your nose on your date's sleeve. Twice.

3. Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions.

4. Repeat every third third word you say say say

5. Stare at your date's neck, and grind your teeth audibly.

6. Stand up every five minutes, circle your table with your arms outstretched, and make airplane sounds.

7. Ask for crayons to color the placemat. This works very well in fancier venues that use linen tablecloths.

8. Howl and whistle at womens' legs, especially if you are female.

9. Without asking, eat off your date's plate. Eat more from their plate than they do.

10. Beg your date to tattoo your name on their derriere. Keep bringing the subject up.

11. Ask your date how much money they have with them.

12. Communicate in mime the entire evening.

13. Lick your plate. Offer to lick theirs.

14. Hum. Loudly. In monotone.

15. Slide under the table. Take your plate with you.

16. Speak in pig latin throughout the meal (Or ubber-dubber language, or just nonsense).

17. Accuse your date of espionage.

18. Break wind loudly. Add color commentary. Bow.

19. Feed imaginary friends, or toy dolls you've brought along.